The Plot of Every Mystery Book

Hello. My name is [Insert Generic First Name] [Insert Slightly Obscure Last Name]. And I’ve lived a pretty normal life, I have a [Insert Family with Random Facts About Them], I live in [Insert Generic but not Heavily Populated City], although I do have [Insert Low or Nonexistent Amount] Friends. Anyways,  I have a secret. I’m [Insert Probably Stupid Secret]. And for years, I’ve been worried that my [Secret] will get out, and be used for bad things. And today, that might just happen…

I play [Generic Activity] in [Open Location] with [Character that doesn’t immediately but will soon be of importance to the story, just give it a couple of books]. I go a little too far, and by accidentally [Insert clumsy character trait], I bump into Mr./Mrs. [Insert stereotypical name for approximately 1980’s Generation]. He is nice… and exists… and he has a VERY Specific trait that I can distinguish even if he hid his face. After [Insert Generic Activity] is done, I see an article of a famous detective, Mr./Mrs. [Insert Detective Name]. I [love/hate] him/her!

The next day, after the same Generic Activity yesterday, I run into none other than Mr./Mrs. [Insert Detective Name]! He says he has a case, and that he thinks I can help him! I don’t care that somehow he knows me when I am abou 0.1% as famous as him, but I act like it happens every Tuesday! After some Waaaaaaacky adventures and clues, we run into an organization that is evil… with no personality… just evil. They manage to fool us, and efter an especially hard clue, we’re stumped! The detective contemplates giving up, and so do I! But then, I remember a specific moral I was taught near the beginning of the story, and we persevere! Plot Armor!

Finally, we meet the boss of the evil group’ (emphasis on evil) leader! He has a specific trait about him… IMPOSSIBLE! The leader of the Evil (emphasis on evil) group… is Mr./Mrs. [Stereotypical name for approximately 1980’s Generation]!!! He tries to outsmart us again, but we remember from the last time, and came with a plan! Through some very specific and loose plot threads that would need very specific scenarios relying on incredibly low odds, we thwart him, and the day is won… 

Until the next book, which will have an even bigger, badder, and eviler (emphasis on the evil) group, that for some reason nobody knew during the first book, but everybody mentions them in the second book!